Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

From the warning at the beginning to the very last cut, HCH is a lot of fun. What really separates it from the bucket-load of 80s crap is the addition of a private dick, unsubtly named Jack Chandler, who provides an occasionally clumsy but primarily enjoyable hardboiled, noir-esque voice-over. His wit and male weaknesses make him a likeable loser. The hookers play up to the scream-queen, comedy/horror stereotypes. It’s a fully self-aware script.
Despite the title there’s very few actual deaths by chainsaw, but having The Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Gunnar Hansen oversee them adds an extra in-joke for fans of the genre. The police chief also deserves a mention.

3 plastic sheets out of 5

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Amid controversy comes Charles E. Sellier Jr.'s holiday horror film about a young man haunted by Christmas. The effective opening scenes detail the slaughter of his parents by a Santa-clad murderer and one very strict religious upbringing, leaving his mind fragile and warped. But the proverbial shit doesn't hit the fan until a cruel twist of fate forces him to don the fat man's suit. The well-constructed build up is what makes the ensuing rampage so satisfying. The look of the film is above-average and while the acting is at times cheesy and over-the-top, it fits right in with this grindhouse classic. But I will admit the killer's droning exclamations to "Punish!" get old pretty quick.

3½ mean left hooks out of 5

Savage Streets (1984)

In the same way that ‘unique’ doesn't always mean that something is useful, the word ‘cult’ doesn't always guarantee an enjoyable film. Danny Steinmann's Streets has cult stamped all over it. It’s a Death Wish (1974) rip-off that puts the bloody revenge in the hands of a woman.
Linda Blair will please Linda Blair fans but there’s very little to recommend outside of that. The one-liners are bad, the cat-fights are weak by exploitation standards, the aesthetic is so 80s that it’s painful to look upon and the acting is atrocious the majority of the time, but it’s somehow entertaining if you’re in the right frame of mind. Logic be damned.

1½ salami traps out of 5

Screaming in High Heels: The Rise and Fall of the Scream Queen Era (2011)

If you ventured into a shady corner of an independent video store in the 80s, you’d likely have seen colourful boxes on the higher shelves with titles like The Return of the Living Dead (1985), Teenage Exorcist (1991) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). You might even have picked one up and tried to look older as you walked sheepishly to the counter. This doc looks at the work of three of the most hard-working women in that genre, women who collectively gave boners to about 50% of the teenage male population: Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer. They shatter the cheap-slut image the media painted them with; they’re respectful and intelligent people that did a job and helped define an era.

3 girls your momma wouldn't like out of 5