The Mummy Returns (2001)

The addition of an irritating eight-year-old kid makes the sequel less fun, which seems ironic considering my justifications for loving the first one. I may have enjoyed it more if I was his age? No. He’s just irritating. The story is similar to the first one, except for when it's all over the place. It feels like a series of set pieces stitched together with thin plot thread that could break at any time. The returning cast members do their best to keep it fun and interesting. The Rock makes a very small cameo.

2½ retreads in shifting sands out of 5

The Mummy (1999)

Rick O'Connell finds the fabled lost City of Hamunaptra and soon the sand and the shit hit the fan in Hollywood blockbuster fashion. I should hate this but I don’t. I love it. The casting is excellent. It’s a big dumb action/adventure film, the kind of thing you’d want on a Saturday morning as a kid. That’s its greatest charm; it makes me feel like a kid with no expectations to disappoint. I just drink it in like fizzy juice. The bubbles make me belch and I chuckle. I would love a frolic through the prop dept.

3½ pip pip, I'll score it how I like out of 5