Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)

I'm not one for unnecessary hyperbole, but this might be the worst piece of shit movie I've ever seen in my piece of shit life. This type of plot makes no sense in 2021, where the world is more connected by technology than ever, and a 10-year-old rich kid left home alone hardly feels like cause for alarm, especially considering he's never in any real danger. And there's no way a spoiled brat like that has the old-school know-how to booby trap a house. I found the overuse of slow-mo to depict physical comedy to be grating and insulting to my intelligence. All of the choices in this film are so contrived and insipid, like they took the original film and stripped it of every beat of heart and humor until it is barely recognizable (it does not deserve the grace of "Somewhere in My Memory"). And who thought the one character we needed reprising from the original was Buzz?

This whole movie feels like a pointless cash-in of a franchise that has been in the trash since 1997, so I guess it's no big loss. Kids movies these days suck. Disney+ ruins another beloved holiday classic, and the whole production has the tacky quality of a made-for-TV movie. I feel so bad for the children who will grow up on this garbage. It's like they're training kids these days to become as dumb, boring and shallow as this film.

0 "ugly boy" dolls out of 5

Jules (2023)

This movie made me very emotional for reasons I can't quite explain. The central theme being that older people really need company. Ben Kingsley is completely sympathetic as the widower exhibiting early signs of senility who finds a crashed spaceship in his backyard. But since he's old, of course no one will believe him. It's a very sweet and charming story with a touching message at the heart of it, although the serious issues are treated solemnly without sugar-coating anything. It's reminiscent of gentle science fiction such as E.T. or Cocoon. I thought it was a beautiful film and I absolutely cherish it.

4 dead cats out of 5