Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

This one seems clearly inspired by The NeverEnding Story, but don't be fooled.

Recycling a ton of B-roll footage from other Roger Corman S&S cheapies, such as Sorceress and Deathstalker (as well as appropriating that overused theme from Battle Beyond the Stars), there's not a whole lot of plot here to speak of, but it throws in everything except the kitchen sink. A boy seeking a magic ring meets a middle-aged barbarian with a shag carpet by his side. It took me two attempts to get through this, it's so inscrutable. There's no denying this movie is crap, but there's something nostalgic about revisiting it all these years later.

1½ Yeti? Walking carpet? Some dude in a bleached Wookiee costume? out of 5

The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)

David Carradine wanders the desert as Kwai Chang Caine Kain the Warrior, where he comes to the rescue of a topless sorceress (María Socas). And she remains disrobed for the rest of the runtime, which honestly accounts for my warm feelings towards this movie and at least two firm, perky reasons to tune in. It's a loose (shameless) retelling of Yojimbo in a magical, fantasy setting.

2½ anvil strikes out of 5

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987)

This volume dials up the smarminess of the hero, while cutting down on some of the more unsavory elements of the first part. Penthouse Pet Monique Gabrielle (in a dual role) is really what makes this film for me; her cute, ditzy princess is endearing in her innocence (and amateur acting). It's very cheesy and corny and self-aware, but it doesn't take itself seriously and it's a lot of fun. (Once again, what you see on the poster is not what you're going to get.)

3½ rounds of wrestling out of 5

Note: The director's cut (78m) is actually 10 minutes shorter than the theatrical version. Although it cuts out a lot of redundancy and clips pulled from the first film, I still think the original edit is a slightly more well-rounded experience.