Black Scorpion II: Aftershock (1997)

All the sequel had to do was recreate the same sense of fun that was the foundation of the first film and I’d have handed it another half-decent score, but someone turned it into a crap comedy instead of a camp costume caper. There are actual clown noises like Boing and Twang to accompany the villainous Gangster Prankster, who's a very obvious merger of Two-Face and Joker. The other villain, because the law of sequels states there must be two, is a leather-clad female professor named Ursula Undershaft, and that's as good as it gets.

0½ a tremor out of 5

Black Scorpion (1995)

It's the old Batman TV series updated for the 90s with more violence, tits, ass and (slightly) less cliché-ridden camp appeal. If that sounds like something you can get behind, then you're the target audience. There's honesty (it knows what it is and doesn't try to be anything else) and vigilante justice in stilettos. And let's face it, Joan Severance looks better in gusset-hugging PVC bondage wear than Adam West ever would.

2 wheezy villains of 5