Yeah Right! (2003)

Directed by Ty Evans and Spike Jonze it's an almost exclusively street-based affair that promotes Girl and Chocolate. It has some high profile skaters (e.g. Carroll; Koston; McCrank) and some even more high profile music (e.g. Bowie; Björk; Joy Division), but it's not just skating: there are skits and they get on my tits. Some even have post-production FX trickery. Digitally removing boards is puerile but admittedly harmless because it's obvious, but digitally removing ramps is an arguably different matter. The 'joke' is introduced early and even evident in the film's title, but it's still technically green-screen trickery. If it could be re-edited to exclude all the nonsense, including the pointless Owen Wilson scene, then it'd be a much more enjoyable work, for me at least.

3 wheels in water out of 5

A Good Marriage (2014)

aka Stephen King's A Good Marriage

AGM starts ropey and there's little early on to suggest that it won't stay that way. I was on the verge of giving the stop button a firm press, but at the twenty minute mark it piqued my interest enough to stay my sexy finger.
The story is nasty in its own way, causing everyday activities and conversations to take on a sinister tone. There are a few scenes, dialogue-free mostly, in which Joan Allen absolutely nails the feelings of disgust and disbelief that her character struggles with; Joan's the best thing the film has to offer. A rarely-seen secondary character is the most recognisably King-esque creation, but overall the film feels unlike any other adaptation of the author's work that I've seen to date, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

2½ bad pennies out of 5

The Bunny Collection

Is there someone in there....................Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit............I bet with those long ears you can hear the voices....................Be careful, you're handling a VIP, after all...............................I don't have regrets about anythin' anymore...................It'd be bad if Yoko got even stupider............................I know, you can be strong, too..............Put....the.....bunny....back.....in.....the box......What's the matter, snuggle-bunny, finding out the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows?

Click the red link, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.........

The Railway Children (1970)

Children's Classics - each generation will find qualifying examples from its own era, but some stories are rediscovered time and again. In Britain The Railway Children, based on Edith Nesbit's 1906 novel, is an enduring classic from yesteryear that never goes away and nor would I want it to.
The story is about a mother and her three privileged "suburban children." They're forced to move from their comfortable townhouse to a county villa in Yorkshire and live a poor life, without a father. It's simple in construction but remains as welcome and warming today as it was all those decades ago.
The lesson that kindness isn't dependent on social status or material riches is perfectly woven into every relevant part. The ending is a little mawkish, but the journey toward it is direct and smooth, like the train tracks that carry the focus of the faithful children's good nature into their collective midst.

4 proper places out of 5

Barry Lyndon (1975)

Based on William Thackeray's novel, The Luck of Barry Lyndon (1844), an unseen and unknown narrator (Michael Hordern) tells the story of how a penniless 18th Century Irishman named Redmond Barry (Ryan O'Neal) acquired the Lyndon name, despite some damn fool decisions along the way.
I've watched BL twice only. Both times I was awed by how beautiful it was but bored by how slow it was. (I've not read the novel, so don't know how faithful it is or isn't to the source.) I agree with the critics who say that Kubrick's decision to shoot much of it with an often shallow depth of field makes the world look like a masterful 18th Century painting brought to quiet life, but the story doesn't grab hold of me in the same manner. The use of music, however, is a highlight; that part of it is rarely anything less than perfect.

3 prudent departures out of 5

M*A*S*H (1970)

Its reputation as a "hilarious" comedy may give first time viewers false expectations of what M*A*S*H will deliver. While there are a handful of genuinely funny moments, the humour is more ingrained in the characters as a kind of coping mechanism than something than can be picked out as an example in the script. The japes are as dry as the martinis that army surgeon Hawkeye (Sutherland) enjoys at the end of a shift, after spending hours wrist-deep in the blood of his fellow soldiers in a makeshift Operating Room during the war in Korea. The attitude of the medical staff keeps them sane in an environment that's little more than a collection of tents pitched in perpetual mud. The individual moments within the film have their own discernible merits, of course, but its true value only surfaces when considered as a whole piece.

3½ pains withheld out of 5

Resident Evil: Degeneration (2008)

CG animated tie-in to the Resident Evil video games, a series that has more entries in its arsenal than you can shake a zombie finger at.
It teams the heroic Leon (iconic jacket - check) and the sympathetic Claire, both of whom are voiced by the same duo as featured in the games. Events from their past are referenced often but the story doesn't waste time reiterating or explaining them, so it's not an ideal start for Resi newcomers.
A couple of interesting developments prevent it from being a waste of time for people who aren't totally invested in the lore, such as I, including an admirable attempt to give weight to the inevitable appearance of an 'end boss' sized creature, but mostly it's content to be a simple fan-pleaser.

2 falling platforms out of 5

Bad Timing (1980)

Wikipedia classes it as a psychological thriller, which is as good a simplified description as any, I suppose, for what Bad Timing is; i.e. a labyrinthine and occasionally uncomfortable psychological/sexual drama with at least one controversial scene that for many people overshadows director Nic Roeg's astonishing technical achievements elsewhere. The non-linear plot jumps around in time but is assembled in such a way that each fragment is equally important, even though some are more emotionally weighty than others.
The strained relationship of the two mismatched leads (Art Garfunkel, Theresa Russell) ranges from intriguing to downright plodding, but neither state prevents the themes that the film explores from rising to the surface.
In both audio and style it pushes established norms in surprising directions.

3½ observers out of 5

Equalizer 2000 (1987)

aka Defender 2000

I'm not going to waste any more time on Eq 2000 than is necessary. It's a Mad Max (1979) rip-off set a century after a nuclear war, so expect dusty canyons, a chase scene, and cars with a few spikes and rusty pipes attached here and there to make things look more interesting. The bad guys are a fascist group named The Ownership. The hero is played by Richard Norton. The dishevelled but sassy woman is Penthouse model Corinne Alphen. Gasoline is in short supply but fuel for flamethrowers is plentiful, etc. The only major thing they forgot to include was story. It's 90% bad dialogue, explosions and gunfire.

1½ mountain people out of 5

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)

More faithful to its esteemed source than most, if not all, other films to date, Branagh's Frankenstein had the potential to be something very special. The first twenty minutes hold the same promise, referencing the social side of 18th Century life, the limitations of medicine, the reasons for Victor's infatuation with creating/sustaining life, and introducing some striking symbolism, but the unevenness that follows the set-up undoes a lot of the good work. He paints the work with broad, grimy strokes when a more delicate touch would have served the layers of feverish obsession and hubris better. The score is often turgid, pushing bombastic heights instead of exploring quiet percipience.
But points awarded for a successful repeated shift of our sympathies, inviting us to question morality in a similar manner to how Victor is forced to do.

3 raw materials out of 5

Jingle All The Way (1996)

For many years, Christmas was broken in two for me. However, the actions of the person to blame could not erase my memories of the positive feelings and experiences surrounding it that I did manage to make with my Mom and Dad. Or, how much they went out of their way to make sure I had much more than I ever asked for. There are emotional positives to the materialism of the holiday, when partnered with the love and efforts of the people involved. This film demonstrates that more than any piece of fiction I’ve experienced. I remember my Dad leaving to shop at the last minute. I remember doing it myself. It wasn’t as dangerous back then! This doesn’t just capture the joy of buying things for others, though. It’s also (not so) secretly tokusatsu! It’s earnest, wonderfully balanced, and even aware that it's very First World and privileged.

5 Cheers for the Best Clean Comic on the Planet out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

Spartacus (1960)

A slave trained by Roman oppressors to fight to the death as a gladiator in their barbaric games takes his fate into his own hands. Spartacus, the slave in question, applies what he learned in the arena to a cause greater than himself. His words and deeds give voice to the feeling in all slaves' hearts.
It certainly deserves its many accolades, but I have reservations when it comes to scoring. Being wholly subjective, many of the relationships point toward something greater than they themselves deliver upon. It's almost as if the message overpowers some of the emotions, whereas in a perfect world they would've been equals. If the film didn't repeatedly push my thoughts in that direction, then I'd no doubt be awed by it completely, but something ingrained in either it or me keeps me from giving it the full 5 stars.

4 stand up guys out of 5

Ocean Waves (1993)

aka I Can Hear the Sea

A produced by Studio Ghibli but made-for-television anime directed by Tomomi Mochizuki. It's a story about youth and maturity, set in a competitive Japanese high school environment and in the wider world. The three main characters are friends Tako and Yutaka and the girl who turns both their heads, a transfer student named Rikako. She's self-centred and takes advantage of Tako's good nature, but that doesn't stop him pursuing her.
It felt somewhat uneventful while viewing. But when the credits had rolled and I'd sufficiently pondered on what had occurred I realised that a fair amount had actually happened. So I decided instead that unassuming or understated was a more appropriate adjective to describe its modest goals.

2½ cultural differences out of 5