How to Kill Monsters (2023)

Now this is more like it. The final girl survivor of a ritualistic ceremony is mistakenly arrested for the crimes and held behind bars where the occupants are under attack from interdimensional monsters. It's by no means a modern masterpiece, but it's schlocky horror fun that doesn't take itself seriously.

2½ killer cakes out of 5

I Am Monsters! (2023)

A filmed version of Nicholas Vince's one-man show where he recounts his career in the monster making industry, working with Clive Barker on films such as Hellraiser and Nightbreed, and his experiences growing up while keeping his own monstrous tendencies concealed. It's appropriate he's the Chatterer, since he has a lot of personal stories to share and you can't get him to shut up!

2½ wired jaws out of 5

Book of Monsters (2018)

A girl's 18th birthday party gets crashed by monsters summoned from an old childhood tome, which proceeds to dispatch the high schoolers (who I'm pretty sure are all 30). It's a dumb splatter comedy that has fun busting tropes, but it's cheesy and not very memorable. It gets points for favoring practical effects over CGI, but it's one of those concepts that would have been better served by a bigger budget. Once again, I feel like I've been catfished by the poster.

1 death by dildo out of 5

Note: It was a Kickstarter-funded movie where the backers chose the direction of the story, which doesn't equal a good film by any measure, but I'm sure it's a lot more fun if you were a part of the process from the very beginning.

NIGHTBREED:THE DIRECTOR'S CUT [2014]

Nearly 25 years after the cut of the original film, Clive Barker's dark fantasy/love story, Nightbreed is finally given the proper edit it's always deserved.
What we have here is a love story that takes place within the underground world of Midian which is inhabited by a gaggle of beautiful monsters, who would prefer to go unnoticed by the human eye.
The original suffered from 40 minutes of character development cut out of it and then replaced with 20 minutes of standard studio slasher flick crap which broke Barker's heart in the process.  This new cut shows us what the film was meant to be and it really fleshes out the relationships making the film's purpose clearer and more endearing.  There are a few jarring edits but I figure it's because there were never any establishing shots to make a smooth transition between scenes.
Small problems aside, the film is finally the wonderfully woven story it was always meant to be and I can't wait to revisit it again.

4 bad trips out of 5

HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II [1988]

Hellraiser creator Clive Barker assumes the role of producer & creator only for the 1998 sequel allowing director writer team Tony Randel & Peter Atkins to take over.

Hellbound dives deeper into the mythology and world of the Cenobites and their hilariously playful ways. Like the original film, it relies heavily on silly coincidences and mysteries that would be serve better solved rather than open to interpretation.  However, if you're a gorehound and love some twisted imaginative visuals & ideas then this film doesn't disappoint.  

3 morse code gods out of 5

HELLRAISER [1987]

Author Clive Barker directs and adapts his own novella, The Hellbound Heart, for the screen in the 1987 horror cult classic Hellraiser.

As a Barker fanboy it's difficult to give this a fair rating but one can't help but notice the terrible acting, dubbed voices, pointless filler scenes of questionable creepiness and sloppy editing.  However, the film excels in imagination, originality, make-up effects and Christopher Young's breakthrough musical score really raises the bar.  

Barker might not be a great film-maker but he certainly is a fantastic visualist.  

3½ dragon hobos from Hell out of 5

Nightbreed (1990)

Viewing this with a fresh set of eyes, I now appreciate it for what it is: a vessel to showcase a variety of neat and gnarly creature make-up effects. I'm swept away by the classic Elfman score and the vast, expansive Gothic sets, but those elements alone do not a good film make. The problem is that the story, which was obviously intended to be the set-up for something larger, doesn't fully materialize and was not enough to hold my attention in and of itself. I know it's become somewhat of a cult film in the years following its release, but I for one find it a mess.

2.5 Hellraiser rejects out of 5

Note: I watched the theatrical cut that the director himself was unhappy with. Uncut versions have not yet been made widely available as of this posting.