Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre (2018)

AKA: Full Moon's Bunker of Blood: Chapter 1

A random collection of death scenes from the Puppet Master series thrown together haphazardly and slapped on with a new title to make a quick buck. It doesn't even make an effort to try and tell a cohesive story like The Legacy; it's a cheap entry that serves as a "greatest hits" package wrapped in a comic book framing device meant to evoke Creepshow. Despite the title, it doesn't just focus on the Nazi years, it covers the whole spectrum of the series. This was so awful, I went back and retroactively raised my rating on the last film.

0 dollars spent out of 5

Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

Stepping into uncharted waters, I'm now going to nut the Puppet Master films I haven't seen before. This has been a long time coming, but I'm not a fan of Full Moon's modern era. Aside from the clips cribbed from the first movie, this shit is awful and lacks all the charm of the original era. In these ones, they don't even bother making the puppets stop-motion anymore. They are all in close-ups. It's the next level of cheapness which marks a new low for this series.

Worse yet, this is only part 1 of 3, as this was devised as its own trilogy.

0 acting lessons out of 5

Retro Puppet Master (1999)

The seventh film in the Puppet Master franchise is also a prequel to Part III, which confuses the muddled timeline of this series even more. This entry attempts to explain how young Toulon (Greg Sestero) first came upon the spell to animate his puppets, and features early prototypes of the characters we would all come to love. While there's not much new here for fans, this series remains charming simply because of how low-tech and no fuss it is.

This ended up being Guy Rolfe's last role, poor guy.

1½ Egyptian sorcerers out of 5

Curse of the Puppet Master (1998)

Picking up where I left off 13 years ago...

A mad scientist attempts to replicate André Toulon's experiment of creating life by transferring souls into hand-carved wooden puppets. Actual results vary. Originally intended as a "standalone" sequel to the franchise, it's pretty much been accepted into canon as they've continued to pump out sequels with regularity over the years. This is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it gets points for a couple of interesting ideas and some haunting imagery that leaves a lasting impression. Regardless, this is for diehard fans of the series only.

2 clockwork gears out of 5

Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)

Flashback to 1941 where Toulon is a famous puppeteer who's caught the interest of the Nazis who are trying to perfect their reanimation formula for Hitler's Reich. This prequel is probably the best thing since the original and we have a new Toulon (Guy Rolfe) who nails the part just right. This time we have enemies that deserve to die, so these movies shift the puppets from the bad guys to the heroes, which proves to be a much better fit.

3 Six-Shooters out of 5

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

Now that’s a mouthful. Three losers decide to crash a sorority initiation, are promptly caught and taught a lesson by being forced to accompany the girls on their last rite to break into a bowling alley and steal a trophy. Little do they know the trophy contains a little imp who grants them wishes and turns all the women into demons. Yeah, it’s bad. Cult-y bad.

1.5 gutterheads out of 5