Rhinestone (1984)

I genuinely expected to find Rhinestone on the IMDB bottom 100 list, but it's not there; that oversight will help me try to defend it. It really is bad, but it's supposed to be, I think, except when it's supposed to be good and is still bad. But a laugh is a laugh even if it's for all the wrong reasons, right?
Dolly takes a bet to turn loudmouth taxi driver Sly into a one-song Country singer. If Sly had been his usual slow-witted, underdog self and let the comedy slant of the script do its work things might've been different, but instead he TRIES to be funny and that almost ruins everything. He also sings and that's a whole other kind of comedy.

While looking at the Bottom 100 on IMDB I noticed that the director of this also holds the No. 1 spot! Jebus.

1½ happy trails out of 5

A Christmas Story (1983)

Poor Ralphie. All he wanted was that fucking Red Ryder BB Gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. It's the story every kid can relate to: coveting something so badly and knowing you can't have it ("you'll shoot your eye out!"). So you try everything; you try to be good, you try to hint at it subtly, you even get over your fears and ask the department store Santa for it. Still, nothing. And then...sweet glory. Based on the (somewhat) autobiographical recountings of author Jean Shepherd and his family, this classic film is an essential part of anyone's Christmas viewing. I saved the best for last.

5 guilt-ridden fantasy sequences out of 5