Dead Heat (1988)

Part buddy cop film, part zombie horror flick, the best way to describe Dead Heat is a combination of Beverly Hills Cop and Re-Animator. Unfortunately the studio hacked it to pieces in order to tone down the blood, violence and gore. You know, the good stuff. What's left is a cheesy 80's cop film filled with just enough dumb fun to be watchable. There's really only one scene worth viewing. Treat Williams does a decent job despite having to partner with the abysmal Joe Piscopo, who has no screen presence whatsoever. With better casting and some studio support, this could have been classic rather than forgettable. 

2½ zombified deli meats out of 5

Kolchak: The Night Strangler (1973)

The second film is much like the first, except that it's set in Seattle because, if you remember, Kolchak had to leave Nevada. The similarity is worked into the plot, however, so it's not something that drags the experience down.
Elsewhere, the intrepid reporter with the distinctive hat once again provides his welcome hard-boiled(ish) voice-over as he investigates the serial murders of women who were killed under mysterious circumstances.
The atmosphere on the darkened streets is excellent. And the final act, while heavy on the dry ice, is captivating because of its unusual surroundings.

3½ timely processes out of 5

Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1972)

Kolchak's first TV appearance doesn't feel like an intro movie. The character is so well-presented that it feels more like he's been established already and we're now deep into his world. Even though he's a Las Vegas newspaper reporter, with an almost ever-present cassette tape recorder, he's more like a small screen detective in a police drama. His sleuthing to find a big story takes him into what might be supernatural happenings.
Dir. John Moxey took some interesting chances with the script. It's not atypical to see the world through a killer's eyes, but from the POV of a corpse on an autopsy table? That's refreshingly weird.

4 sleepless nights out of 5

A Christmas Story (1983)

Poor Ralphie. All he wanted was that fucking Red Ryder BB Gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. It's the story every kid can relate to: coveting something so badly and knowing you can't have it ("you'll shoot your eye out!"). So you try everything; you try to be good, you try to hint at it subtly, you even get over your fears and ask the department store Santa for it. Still, nothing. And then...sweet glory. Based on the (somewhat) autobiographical recountings of author Jean Shepherd and his family, this classic film is an essential part of anyone's Christmas viewing. I saved the best for last.

5 guilt-ridden fantasy sequences out of 5