The Next Karate Kid (1994)

Mr. Miyagi gets drafted into helping an old army buddy's granddaughter (Hilary Swank) find inner-peace. She's an orphaned youth with anger issues, striking out at everyone, even those who wish to help her. Her only confidant is a hawk, a kindred spirit with a symbolic wounded wing.
The coachings in responsibility, acceptance and patience are delivered in the sensei's usual lesson-within-a-lesson system, but his having to adjust to the ways of a teenage girl adds an element of humour to the formula.
The three previous films weren't groundbreaking works, so there's no reason to expect any different from the fourth entry. It's a simple and enjoyable story that puts emphasis more on the importance of healing than on fighting.

2½ party monks out of 5

The Karate Kid Part III (1989)

Set one year after the tournament that ended the first film, Part III attempts to move the story forward while also looking back. A character from the duo's past is downtrodden, but has a rich benefactor who's little more than a two dimensional comic book villain replete with fat cigars to chomp on.
Mr Miyagi is at a loose end, too, but all he has is Daniel, who's turning into a jerk, in danger of becoming the thing that he hates. A new love interest adds little of value, so it's left to Miyagi to be the rock that can keep the maturing student on the correct path, but the sensei's role is again lessened from what it was in Part II (1986). He provides instruction only when needed, hoping that faith and common sense will act as guides in his absence.
As enjoyable as it is to see the story continued, it's the weakest of the trilogy, with a retread ending that lacks the power of the original film.

2½ deep roots out of 5

The Karate Kid Part II (1986)

Freed from the 'sports movie' template, and after some convenient missing-cast explanations, the action moves to Okinawa, Miyagi's place of birth. Events in the tiny village enable the father/son and sensei/student relationship that was formed in TKK Part I to evolve in a more engaging way, but this time it's Miyagi who takes centre stage, with Daniel-san playing the support role.
Conflict comes in the form of rekindled feelings for an old flame and an old friend, the latter of which still feels the pain of an old wound.
Parts of the Daniel sub-story play out in a manner that's altogether too similar to how they did before, but there's a maturity to the consequences now, which makes it more meaningful to an adult audience; however, younger fans may find less to latch onto than they did in the first film.

3½ village deeds out of 5

The Karate Kid (1984)

After moving to California with his mom, Daniel quickly makes an enemy of a clichéd high school bully. Both parties have an interest in karate, which adds flavour to what's on the surface a straightforward 80s underdog story.
There are teenager levels of romance to contend with, but it's illustrated with the best intentions, so it's not as forced as it could've been. The real treasure is the believable sincerity that characterises the relationship that Mr Miyagi has not just with the eager-to-learn Daniel but with the wider world.
Actor Pat Morita's understated performance keeps Miyagi as a supporting character while simultaneously elevating him to become the true emotional core of the story; with a single wordless glance he can communicate a whole chapter's worth of feelings. He embodies what belief, patience, wisdom and sensitivity can achieve when each element achieves balance.

3 DIY accomplishments out of 5

*batteries not included (1987)

The underlying plot of *bni is pretty standard stuff. An unscrupulous property developer wants to buy and demolish an old building. He buys out most of the occupants, and then hires a group of thugs to terrorise the few that refuse to leave, forcing the reluctant residents to band together in defiance.
But there's an additional element that makes it special (for me there are many things, but I'll stick to the task at hand): the unexpected visitors that are flying in through the window in the cover art. Designed to be adorable, they achieve it 100%. I wanted one when I was a kid, and I still do now.
The second other best thing about the film is Jessica Tandy, who sparkles as an old lady suffering from dementia. She too is adorable in her own, confused, warm, sympathetic way.
*bni is one of my favourite childhood films. It never fails to lift my spirits.

3½ mosaic pieces out of 5

Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)

Opportunities don't often just fall from the sky, but sometimes inexplicable events do happen. For Pazu, resident of an elaborately constructed mining town, Sheeta is that event – a young girl with a destiny that Pazu helps shape.
Like in Nausicaä (1984), Miyazaki creates empathy for something that isn't human, a feeling that lingers even when the creature is forced by human ambition to resort to violence. Speaking of which, the different manifestations of greed (riches, militaristic power, ego, etc) are subtly graded in their wickedness but for the most part each one is still presented as destructive.
It's a slow-moving adventure for a long time, but the last thirty minutes have a pace that makes everything prior to them fall nicely into perspective.

3½ deep roots out of 5

Encounters at the End of the World (2007)

The end of the World referred to is not a time but a place, the Antarctic. It's there that Dir. Werner Herzog's peculiar motivations take him, furthering his uncanny ability to be in the correct place with a camera at the correct time, recording intimate musings of individuals against a backdrop of stacked odds and vastness that's difficult to put into perspective even when presented with the statistics to do so. His preoccupation with unmet expectations and absurdity means we learn almost as much about the filmmaker/narrator as we do some of the scientists and tradesmen who attempt to put into words what it takes to survive in such an unforgiving environment and why they chose to be there in the first place. Along the way we're treated to some astonishing sights, including a look at the thick ice from the underside, like frozen clouds come down to explore the secrets of the sea bed.

4 professional dreamers out of 5

Django (1966)

Franco Nero is the charismatic anti-hero dressed in black coat and hat, dragging a full-sized coffin behind him. The mysterious figure and his deathly cargo arrive in a mostly abandoned town, a place under siege from a post-Civil War racist Confederate Major (Eduardo Fajardo) and a group of Mexican bandits, a situation that was no doubt inspired by Kurosawa's Yojimbo (1961).
Django stands up for the abused when it suits him, including coming to the aid of a beautiful prostitute named Maria (Loredana Nusciak). He's a well-written character, and thanks to Nero's cool demeanour and handsome eyes is often more compelling than the slow-moving film itself.

3½ muddy feet out of 5

Machine Gun Preacher (2011)

The title is like something a cheap summer action movie might use, but MGP is nothing of the sort. It's the story of how one US resident, Sam Childers (Gerard Butler), made it his life's mission to help the SPLA (Sudan People's Liberation Army) save the country's children from the atrocities committed upon them by a group of rebels known as the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army).
At the beginning of the film Childers is an angry, reckless asshole who enjoys making others feel like shit. A path to salvation and redemption seems like a million miles away; but a single random act can shrink such distances to almost nil. The journey from selfish to selfless is based on real life, and even though it's technically only a movie and the FX aren't real, knowing what inspired it makes the onscreen violence seem more horrific than it would be otherwise.

3 adopted struggles out of 5

Tales from Earthsea (2006)

I've not read any of the works that the film is based on, namely Ursula K. Le Guin's Earthsea books and Hayao Miyazaki's The Journey of Shuna manga, so I'm not able to determine if the reason that the film fails to excite is due to an absence of same in the source texts or if it's the fault of the adaptation, but I do feel that the criticisms singling out Dir. Gorō Miyazaki were grossly unfair. It's a weak story in a boring, overused fantasy setting and he didn't take many risks, but labelling him 'worst director' of 2006 is frankly ridiculous. Even if Gorō had risked the ire of his judgemental father by daring to push the Ghibli envelope into areas new, it wouldn't have helped the plodding story any.

2½ true names out of 5

Future Shock! The Story of 2000 AD (2014)

A point-camera-at-subject-and-let-them-talk type of documentary that tells the story of 2000 AD's birth and growth into the "galaxy's greatest comic."
It lacks much in the way of illustrative support, so casual fans may have to go searching online for visuals to accompany the words, but long-time fans will be able to sit comfortably while the people who made and contributed to the weekly publication (writers, artists, and editors) tell their tales, without any V/O narrator or audible prompts of the many (mostly male) interviewees.
Pat Mills has the most to say, but there's insight from John Wagner, Carlos Ezquerra, Kevin O'Neill, Cam Kennedy, Peter Milligan, Leah Moore, Dave Gibbons, Grant Morrison, etc. With the personal approach comes a lot of biased opinion and a fair amount of contradiction, which is insightful in itself, if not wholly trustworthy; some lingering grievances are even aired.

3½ powered thrills out of 5

Bio-Zombie (1998)

aka Hong Kong Zombie

Influenced by Romero's Dead films, this Chinese precursor to Shaun of the Dead follows two burnout losers as they deal with a zombie outbreak in their shopping plaza. With most of the runtime spent on the bro-mance between the main characters and their pathetic existence, the horror takes a severe backseat. The undead element, in levels of makeup effects and movement, is completely uneven. Some very inspired moments in the final act, which play on popular movie cliches, end up tightening the pace and compensate for the meandering first half.

3 Woody Invincibles out of 5

Piranha DD (2012)

Following suit with the 2010 remake of Piranha, the sequel has an even bustier comedic tone with a heavy helping of bare flesh and outrageous deaths. It's pretty obvious everyone involved was having a blast. After a re-opening, a popular water park has problems when those pesky aquatic carnivores (now this is where we suspend disbelief) travel through underwater lakes right into the laps of its patrons. Even if you're a fan of outrageous B-movies and horror-comedies, the events in PDD are difficult to swallow. It doesn't come close to the mayhem unleashed in the first film, but it without a doubt reaches a new low of cartoonish violence and poor taste.

2 old David Hasselhoffs out of 5