A medical transport courier is handed an emergency delivery to Raccoon City, where things are currently going down. This is a video game adaptation done right; a pulse-pounding, unrelenting survival horror adventure as well as an original story that anyone can enjoy separately from the games. With quick-paced action and pared-down characters, this is an even better Evil Dead film than the last Evil Dead, and miles above that Paul W. S. Anderson abomination.
4 indestructible padlocks out of 5
If you want to read this, you can. If you don't, that's fine. I can't change your mind. Can't change anyone's mind. About anything.
ReplyDelete1.) It’s not a Resident Evil movie; it’s a Silent Hill movie. Something that I called from the trailers, but I figured I should give it a shot. At first, I believed that they didn’t even succeed in making a SH movie, because those completely blatantly symbolic monsters should have offed themselves, or just dissolved out of existence, once he left that message. If he had meant what he said, he wouldn’t have had to go through the maternity ward, or it would have been completely empty. Ergo, he was lying, which at least lines up with how fucking shitty his performance was, while recording that message. I said, “Are we fucking serious, right now?” once he was finished. No one complained. It was horrendous. I’d argue the (non-)ending could be interpreted as he killed his girlfriend, and consequently the baby. What a lovely movie. The wonderful thing about RE is that it’s not symbolic. It’s not about people being made to feel guilty, when only one of the protagonists is actually guilty. I invested myself into RE, to get away from SH, which was completely ruinous for my mental health.
ReplyDelete2.) He’s just as bad as Grace, if not worse. The whole movie was just a comedy of errors. Resident Evil takes itself SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Outside of Grace and him. I cannot believe that there are people defending Grace, saying that they want scaredy-ass-cat protagonists. NO. Resident Evil protagonists are badasses, and the only humor you get are Leon’s one-liners.
3.) Not respecting the sacredness of keys, by completely lampshading and circumventing the need of them entirely, is a MASSIVE insult to RE fans. Keys are so incredibly important to the first four games (0 through 3), and they even appear in the much more action-oriented games that concluded the franchise. There’s a class and elegance to them. There’s a sense of refinement. And, the fact that there are plenty of people selling replicas on etsy and ebay, is proof that I’m right.
4.) I had a glimmer of hope when he started taking out the Umbrella scientists, because obviously they were lying to him. They work for Umbrella. Fucking duh. I would have been mad that he accomplished it in a comedic way, but at least the movie would have had an ending. There is no ending. His journey is completely pointless, beyond the symbolism I postulated above. On the surface, it's pointless. The least they could have done was have Leon and Claire rocket-launcher his ass, the same way that Chris and Sheva took out Wesker. Considering he was a Birkin rip-off, in terms of his design, Leon and Claire would have been the logical choice. Chris could have sardonically called him a “hero” at his funeral.
5.) If the new virus broke when it hit the ground (very likely), they could have AT LEAST had him taken out by someone, to close everything off.
6.) Yeah, they said he was the failsafe. What this implies, regardless, is that HUNK failed, and THIS GUY was all they had to fall back on. Completely unbelievable.
7.) There is no snow seen in 0, 1, 2, or 3. This in NO WAY fits into the timeline of the Raccoon City incident. It could have been Alternate Universe (it’s Alternate Universe no matter what), but I’m sure there are whackadoos who will try to get it to fit in. I.e., it’s worth mentioning. HUNK and snow shut down any such speculation.
ReplyDelete8.) I was so excited, for a moment. I was like, “THEY HID THE FEMALE PROTAGONIST FROM US!!! PLEASE MAKE UP FOR THIS MALE GRACE SHITSHOW’S PERFORMANCE!!!!” But, they killed her immediately. And, the fact that he noped out of set-piece, and failed to pick up ANOTHER KEY, means her existence was completely pointless, beyond trolling those of us who know there’s supposed to be a female protagonist, and need one to wash away whatever the fuck his bumbling ass had been doing.
I happened to be on the wiki when they added Maxine’s page. Why? She didn’t do ANYTHING. What did they put on there? I don’t even want to know.
There’s already Bryan merch on etsy. Makes me want to retch.
When I saw that the little girl was infected, I said, “Kendo her ass!” and no one laughed. I was in a theatre full of people who weren’t RE fans. That should have resulted in riotous laughter. Yeah, I’m taking that personally. I have every fucking right to.
We got up immediately, and I basically screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?!?!” Again, no one complained, meaning they agreed. They might not have been RE fans, but they at least knew that it was a complete waste of time.
Constantin Films need to just give the rights back to Capcom, instead of making a movie every five years, just to keep them. Do the honorable thing. Forsake money; amass integrity.
“From the maker of Barbarians and Weapons.” He shouldn’t be allowed to make any more films.
Thank jeebus Justin Long was busy making Ozempic ads. Otherwise, it would have been him.
I agree that it's more of a Zach Cregger movie than a Resident Evil movie. Keeping that in mind makes it easier to enjoy, particularly if you liked Barbarian or Weapons. I get the Silent Hill comparison as well. It's basically just following one man on a [video game-inspired] mission the whole time. The simplicity and single-mindedness is what I enjoyed most about it. It also helps that I'm not a diehard. It's clearly not canon with the games.
ReplyDeleteI was originally going to cover all the Paul W. S. Anderson films too, but I just don't have it in me anymore to torture myself just for the benefit of this blog. Having those to compare it to definitely makes me appreciate it all the more.
I had actually planned to save this nut for Halloween Day, but didn't want to leave you in suspense the whole time, so I striked that and reversed it. I have not yet curated this month's viewing, so it's going to be a bit of a crapshoot while I figure it out on the fly. Definitely thinner than the past couple of years while I catch up on some much-needed gaming and revisit some previously nutted classics.
In general, I feel like it's been a pretty decent year for horror movies. Obsession, Backrooms and a few others will make my best of the year.
Movies are so disposable to me, I don't spend my time obsessing about it as much. Nutting has been great therapy to me. Once I'm done forming an opinion, I move on to the next thing.
I appreciate you moving it up, sincerely. Though, you did make it clear that you liked it, when I posted about Sideways. Meaning, you didn’t have to, but you did. :brofist:
ReplyDeleteYou know that I hold onto things for dear fucking life. Games, movies, music, books. Part of why I’m dissociative. The behavioral part. There’s the genetics to blame, too. It takes a lot of effort for me to discard something, if part of me likes/liked it. If all of me agrees, though, it’s pretty easy. This is one of those cases, in regards to the movies, specifically, in order to protect the games in the franchise that I like. I rewatched Degeneration and was like, “Claire. Pick up the cops’ guns. DO SOMETHING!” So, I don’t even want anything to do with the CGI movies.
Which, if nothing else, is a shame because Rebecca became a doctor, and got glasses. /swoon
Definitely need to walk away from this movie, now, though. Forget that it exists. My friend and I have been picking the carcass clean this entire time. He hates Grace even more than I do.
Have you ever seen Advent Children? Leon is beat for beat Cloud, in Requiem. Which, doesn’t even align with the remake of 2. He’s not sad/guilty at the end of that. He was a bit disillusioned, for a minute, in Kendo’s shop, but it didn’t stick. The B scenario ending is one of the most wholesome things I’ve ever seen.
Yes, I was being hypocritical, saying that there’s very little humor in the franchise, but then telling you I made a Kendo joke. Fans making jokes doesn’t always serve the same function as the fiction itself making jokes. That’s the only defense I can muster. In the remake, Kendo swooped in for 30 seconds, and showed EVERYONE up. Oh, Kendo~<333 I wanted to laugh because it was easier than crying, again.
I did see Advent Children, back when it was first released (20 years ago? Jeez...), but I didn't have much of an anchor to the character then. Same thing with Degeneration; I don't think I hated it, I just didn't have a strong connection to the games at the time.
ReplyDeleteI do get being obsessive with video games and TV shows, especially since they're longform and easy to get lost in the continuity, but I'm quite detached when it comes to movies since they're short and sweet. I think that might honestly be why I prefer this medium over every other, because it's easier to go in one ear and out the other since it's only a two hour investment of my time.
I can’t imagine watching Advent Children without having played VII. My Mom used to believe that she was fine watching sequels, without context, because she often goes to movies that her friends want to see. AC is the only one she tapped out of. During the (admittedly incredibly) brief recap. Had no idea what the hell was going on.
ReplyDeleteWell, she tapped on Johnny Mnemonic, but that was for wholly different reasons XD
I mentioned it when we were talking about the MCU and X-Men, but movies are my preferred medium over shows because they’re short and I can watch the ones I like again and again without any comparative hassle.
I do like games the most, though. Big investment needs to be rewarded by big value, and such things are harder to find these days. I tried putting time into the classic Castlevania games (I am, and have always been, a Metroidvania guy), but the reward wasn’t there for me, and the HD Collection was an intolerably buggy mess, to boot. Finally getting a PS4 has resulted in me having a Resident Evil machine, which is honestly fine. 0 through 5, and Revelations, on one console, in matching cases, on one shelf. /contented sigh
Yeah, that was basically the same circumstances I saw it; I watched it with a friend and didn't follow much of what was happening, but it was back in those days where a full CG animated film still felt like a novelty, so I was content to sit through it.
ReplyDeleteI find games to be the things that give me the biggest emotional connections with the characters. I haven't played many RPGs, but Kingdom Hearts gave me all the feels. Lately, I've been diving back into the Life is Strange series and I love the fuck out of those games. Any story-based interactive narrative experience tends to resonate deeply with me and draw a lot of emotion out of me (Lost Records did this for me as well). I suppose it's that way for certain long-running TV series or movie franchises that go on for awhile as well. But most of the time, I'm disappointed with my long-term investments, so I stick with shorter form content instead.
Speaking of video game adaptations just around the corner, what are your thoughts on the new Street Fighter movie? It looks like ass to me.
In terms of the visuals, I do think AC could please someone who was just looking for spectacle. But, there’s just SO MUCH there that is dependent on you knowing the characters. Even within the fights.
ReplyDeleteIt’s nice to hear about someone liking Life Is Strange. I’ve inadvertently ran across vitriol, over them. Pretty sure I’ve only watched an LP of the first, but I’ve seen people complaining in other places. It’s actually been a good while since I last watched any LP or speedrun, but I distinctly remember people being assholes when NO ONE ASKED.
I’d say I feel okay about some of what they’re doing with the Street Fighter movie, and apprehensive about some other things. I think the biggest anomaly for me is that I grew up in a time when the canon of fighting games was the ending cinematic for your favorite character. I not long ago watched someone explain the lore of Mortal Kombat, and it became so focused on Raiden and Liu Kang, once they started trying to actually write a story.
For me, Kabal killed Shao Khan. Chun Li beat the piss out of Vega (I’m a weeb; you know this. I’ll call him Dictator, if you’d like).
I’m almost certain that Ryu is going to beat him, while Ken somehow gets credit for winning the tournament. I think making Ken a douche is dumb. Further, I don’t care about Ryu and Ken, to begin with XD
I sincerely felt like the MOTU movie not leaning into that Four Non Blondes song, and Street Fighter using it, made it seem like SF was doing it “right.” I can appreciate the ridiculousness of the original movie. Moving the focus from Ryu to Guile, because it was a Western production…but then casting a Belgian. That’s inspiredly weird! But, I’ve never seen the end of that movie, and maybe the above stated reason is why. I don’t care how ridiculous I sound: I wish they’d film like 12 different final scenes, and you can pick which one you want, on the menu, when you start the movie, like you were picking your fighter, in the games.
I think that’d be fucking cool. Rather than arbitrarily picking one person as the ‘main character.’ Especially since I find Ryu, Liu Kang, and Raiden all to be boring.
That point went on a bit long. I’m also apprehensive about Momoa being Blanka. I feel like I don’t need to justify that statement. My thoughts about Adam and some of the other MOTU castings, was that I would have marched over to the WWF and casted the entire thing from their roster. Consequently, I like that they did that with SF!
Cena VS Danhausen. Tell me that wouldn’t have worked.
I am SO on board with Cody Rhodes. I love the popcorn bucket. It is as inspired as it is unwieldy. Full marks. I just hope that he throws a Sonic Boom, and is momentarily surprised, before being like, “Yeah, I fucking did that.” Because it’s weird that he’s weirded out by Ryu. Funny, but weird. I’m sure they’re going to do exactly that.
If I can let go of Chun Li winning, I could probably have fun with it. She’ll probably beat Western Vega, at least =P Oh, and he needs to commit to the role. His mask needs to be shattered. He’d better look good under there, too. That’s the whole point.
As far as emotional narrative games, I'd place Life is Strange in my top 5, along with The Walking Dead: Telltale Series. I grew up playing a lot of point-and-click adventure games from LucasArts, Sierra and Revolution, which eventually evolved to Telltale, Quantic Dream, Supermassive, Dontnod, Deck Nine, et al. Those are my happy places.
ReplyDeleteNow they're adapting LiS for Amazon Prime and I'm apprehensive as to how they're going to ruin it, similar to The Last of Us adaptation. I wouldn't have been so invested if I hadn't played and loved both games and then watched two seasons of that garbage, but as we've discussed before, the casting was abysmal. I don't know what to make of the new God of War series either, especially with the recent cast shakeup (Dave Bautista as Kratos could go either way).
I have too much reverence for Ryu and Ken to stand what they're doing with those characters. I don't necessarily care for any of the actors involved or the exaggerated character designs. I guess they're trying to make it as over the top as possible to match the genre, but it looks so much worse than the recent Mortal Kombat movies to me. I'll try to keep an open mind when I see it, but I'll be holding over my opinions till November.
I liked the Kemco-Seika games that were ported to the NES. Didn’t get a computer until after “Y2K” so I’ve only seen video essays about Sierra’s stuff. The Ace Attorney games are point-and-click meshed into visual novels. 1.) It just took WAY too much time to replay them at a pace that I felt wouldn’t burn me out on them. 2.) Nick’s arc is about venerating tokusatsu, and well, you know the rest. 3.) They were just inextricably tied up into my feelings for someone. I didn’t intend to stop playing other point-and-clicks, but it happened.
ReplyDeleteI played the demo of GoW III. That’s it. Ostensibly, I’ve liked everything I’ve seen of them. The original run. I like allusions to Norse mythology (I mean, I like Final Fantasy, after all), but I’m not sure about BOYYY. Weird, considering how much I love RE5, but still. I imagine Bautista can do serious, but the humor was what I liked about Drax. Don’t exactly want to see that out of Kratos. At all.
It feels like we’re sitting on opposite sides in regards to the RE and SF movies, compared to the games. I’m very serious about RE, and the Bryan movie was way too much comedy, for me. You’re serious about SF, and I’m okay with it being over-the-top.
I'm a big God of War fan. Played all the games except for the last one. Seems like this new version is adapting the Dad of War reboots. Which is fine, I guess.
ReplyDeleteYeah, like I said, I didn't mind the changes to RE, since I knew going into it that it was an original story set in that world. With SF, it just looks way too goofy and dumb. Like you, I guess my point of reference is Street Fighter II (the original arcade), so I guess I take some of those endings as "canon" as well. Then again, I did enjoy MK a lot more than I thought I would, so I suppose I could be wrong about this as well. Certainly, no one else seems to be as tripped up over the casting as I am. Maybe it's just Guile's hair that irrationally pisses me off.