The Apprentice (2024)

It's 1973, and Donald Trump is a whiny little bitch who still hasn't made a name for himself. He falls under the tutelage of Roy Cohn, who takes him under his wing and helps shapes him into the asshole he is yet to be, with his three golden rules: "Always attack, never admit wrongdoing, and always claim victory, even when defeated." And the rest is history.

It's a tough (almost dangerous) ask trying to make Trump seem sympathetic, but I guess they thought they'd hire a handsome actor and then add the jowls later. Sebastian Stan plays him as stiff and constipated, but it gets the job done. While the film aims to tell its story realistically and portray the events in a stark, unflattering light, it still ends up feeling like a cheap caricature when all is said and done. But maybe that's who these people really are. The problem is that this whole enterprise feels very anticlimactic. There's too much left on the table, and it's not as condemning as it could have been, given the wealth of information out there. The real feat here is how they actually made Roy Cohn the sympathetic one at the end of the day.

2½ scalp reduction surgeries out of 5

Saturday Night (2024)

It's 90 minutes before the very first episode of Saturday Night Live is set to premiere on October 11, 1975. Lorne Michaels frantically struggles to keep the cast's larger-than-life personalities in check, as he deals with snarky writers, cranky technicians and know-it-all executives coming down on him from all sides. It's a clash of egos between divas and assholes, and it's exhausting to say the least. I give Jason Reitman props for handling this source material which has become the stuff of legend at this point, although at times it feels more like an excuse to showcase a bunch of celebrity impersonations (as good as they may be). It seems like they took a lot of the stories and lore from the first year of SNL and crammed as many as they could into a two-hour time frame. It ends right where the first episode begins, so I guess seek that out afterwards to see how it all turned out. 

2½ bee costumes out of 5

Hundreds of Beavers (2022)

This movie shouldn't work and also has no business existing. Yet it's one of the most fiercely original comedies I've seen in a long time. It's a passion project shot on a shoestring budget (and it shows!), but somehow that all lends to its strangely irresistible charm. Basically imitating a black-and-white silent film from the 1920s, a fur-trapper struggles to survive in the wilderness during a particularly harsh winter by hunting animals who outsmart him at every turn. The gags are ripped straight out of Looney Tunes and slapstick comedies of old. There are obvious humans in cheap animal suits and glaring green screen effects. Again, everything about it doesn't make any sense on paper. And yet, it's incredibly silly, entertaining, creative and audacious. Just writing about it makes me want to watch it all over again. People who take themselves too seriously need not apply.

4 video game fetch quests out of 5

Sasquatch Sunset (2024)

What can I say about this movie? It's fantastically original and strange. Basically a nature documentary about four Sasquatch out in the wild, doing what Bigfeet do. There is no dialogue or subtitles, so the story is essentially told in grunts and a light musical score, as we follow their adventures into the wilderness and great unknown. It's hard to recommend this unless you really know what you're getting into, but it's delightfully memorable if you're strange in the head, like me. From the director of Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter, so you know you're in capable hands.

If you want more tall, hairy creatures walking around wailing at each other (although accomplished to lesser effect), check out the The Star Wars Holiday Special. If you enjoy the scenery and adventurous element of this film, I highly recommend Swiss Army Man.

3½ furious lactations out of 5

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966)

"On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag full of toys for all the children." So the legend goes.

Charlie Brown's cut too many holes in his ghost costume. Snoopy imagines he's a WWI flying ace shot down by the Red Baron. Linus stays up all night in the pumpkin patch waiting for something that will never come. Disappointment all around; a metaphor for life. Oh well, maybe next year will be different.

Fun bit of trivia: This was the first Halloween special ever to be broadcast annually. Still ranks up there with the best of them.

5 rocks in the trick-or-treat bag out of 5